home in heart

We landed in manila at about 12:30 got our bags and took the long walk to the main road to find a taxi refuse to be robbed blind by the airport taxi services. We being the man i now call "kuya" brother for those who don't speak Tagalog. We were hunted down by a taxi whose driver was more than keen to get our bags in the the boot he asked where we were going. We replied Payatas he blinked he said it will be extra. Taxi's rarely drive to Payatas its the dump site of manila housing well over thousands and the place i felt so at home. I had thus far never experienced anything but welcoming smiles and safety in Payatas the youth being some of the most strong willed individuals i had ever met. I only knew vaguely from off the cuff warnings of gangs of the danger in Payatas, never really experiencing it. After haggling with the driver he got the fare to a set 450 pesos. Which actually was a lot cheaper than an airport taxi who were asking double. The taxi driver was eager to make conversation much like most other people i have met here. He began to tell me of a friend he has from England and he said they gave him a gift that i would be interested in. This puzzled me but i politely smiled and waited while he veered through three lines of traffic at 40mph, to dig out a small coin from his wallet. He passed it back and for the first time i felt a wave of patriotic pride mixed with home sickness. There on a round clump of metal sat the queens head, it was a pound coin. I smiled If what slightly nervously, as we barely missed the bumper of the car in front, sailing through a puddle drenching three girls walking too close to the road. He responded to my looks with a hearty chuckle and with a faux American accent, stated "crazy driving maaaaan!" which pretty much summed up the traffic here perfectly.

Before we knew it we pulled up to the top of the hill ready for the long walk down to our manila Bachelor pad. Struggling with suitcases over the very rough terrain we walked down stopping at the youth center hearing familiar voices of friends long missed. We said our hellos then carried our things down to the house it was close to Jnr's house, where i had stayed before so i knew i was close to familiar faces again. I walked into a room old and stark with breeze block walls patched occasionally with wood. I was welcomed with "how do you like your knew home?" it was from someone I later found out to be kuya Cocoi; a Filipino volunteer who stayed here until the weekend when he went back to his family. He was thin and tall almost ghostly but with the same pleasant smile that graced his fellow countrymen. We spoke small talk while 'Nyor went to see his family and assert himself as the the man of the house again. As i sat in the middle of the room the one and only room, except the partitioned on sweet bathroom, consisting of a toilet bowl and a bucket full of water (Payatas shower.) As we sat talking i felt we weren't alone as i watched rats and roaches quickly scurry over the walls soon to disappear into gaps. I quickly reassured myself and forced myself to adjust. I would now be sharing a small concrete house with three guys, rats and roaches.

Junior reappeared later and asked if we waned to go ate Lourdes's, I willingly agreed it had been a while since I had seen her and it was always guaranteed entertainment. Sure enough it was it was like we had barely been away, Lourdes started her motherly way which i always told her not too although she did anyway and i didn't mind. The hours passed with the same familiar but well loved jokes and soon it was time to make the walk back home. It was dark And i felt nervous at the prospect of walking through Payatas at night. Although reassuring looks from junior reminded me he would look after me. We talked the whole way home excited at the prospect of being home. I saw men with large pump action shoguns siting on the corner. I looked to junior asking if they were security. He started talking on a completely different subject mishearing my accent and getting confused. Once we were finally having the same conversation again he told me that they were there, but would never be in the right place.

We were only two minutes from the house, when a man came out from a house we were now parallel with this stopped our conversation cold, there was a strange feeling in the air. The man stooped low and picked up a large rock my heart beating faster and faster, he turned to the house he had come from throwing the rock I heard a window smash. A woman appeared at the door way shouting "oh talaga?" which simply meant "oh really?" We quickly rushed into the house although with no real urgency. Junior turned on the light as it was the weekend it was only us tonight, the other two volunteers went home to visit family at the weekend. Junior quickly began setting up the bed on the floor; a simple beach mat and several blankets, avoiding eye contact with me. I hadn't realized but I was standing in the door way stock still, he looked at me and said "are you scared?" softly and in a brotherly way as if ready to comfort. I responded no quickly which i wasn't i was just in shock. We then sat on our bed on the concrete floor and he began telling me all his stories of growing up surrounded by violence. Gun shots rang outside not close but not far away either, between shots 'Nyor told me not ever to be afraid that there was a lot of people here to keep me safe and he was the first. This reassured me and no words ever spoken to me ever felt so true. We sat into the early hours unable to sleep as junior told me stories of the fraternities. When the gangs had asked him to join but he refused because he was the man of his family, he would not put them at risk, the way his father had. Saying that as much as he loved his faher and although he was young he could never understand his fathers need for drink and violence. I sat silent through all his stories tear in my eyes not upset but inspired.

When we got to sleep it was an uncomfortable one with no mosquito net, I was bitten by my non human room mates. My bones pushed harshly on the solid concrete, I woke up with a smile and only more determined to do what i came to do. The next day was he Gk expo which was a long hot day that seemed to last forever, but was as to be expected full of inspiring messages. This was my first chance to be back with the youth that showed me so much about myself. They were one of the reasons i made the choice to spend this year here. The day finished late and it was gone midnight when i arrived at the bachelor pad. I crawled under a borrowed mosquito net which i hoped would keep my room mates at bay.

The last few days have been filled with basketball games at the youth center in which the boys ran rings around me, but were always very gracious and eager that i was involved. When i wasn't getting schooled in basketball, I was playing music with the youth in the centre and being part of the usual Tagalish jokes. When i leave the center i have taken to sitting on the stoop and watching all the people pass. It is the place where i have done the most thinking and seen the most bizarre but familiar things. Peddlers and children fill the streets until late at night the music from the houses clash and fill he night air. I could sit and watch and listen to them for hours. The last few days i have been spending time at Tita Emmy's, the aunt of junior and mother of a friend of mine. I mostly go there for the TV but also for the company. Junior's uncle who is particular i only refer to him as Tito, invited me in the other day to watch the boxing. It didn't take much persuading and I took my place on the bamboo sofa, to watch a DVD of the greatest Pacquiao fights. Particularly the one where Ricky Hatton was knocked out cold in the second round. We watched this fight twice much to my displeasure, There was only so many times i could watch the closest hing to home at that second get totally pummeled. Although i knew the teasing was all in good heart. My friend arrived in the door way and rolled her eyes at her father and me sitting on the sofa getting far too into the boxing. She sat down next to me and joined in the teasing about the Hatton fight. The boxing came to an end and Tito left she sat and told me he went to visit her step brother in jail. There was an awkward silence which she broke with nervous laughter. She began explaining that her step brother's were the bad boys in Payatas a phrase i cringed at but knew she had picked it up only from he American TV that dominates the box. The brother who was in jail had been imprisoned for gang rape and the other I met shortly after. He walked through the room smoking a Marlboro. He stopped and said "hey Joe whats up" i felt nervous to reply but she nudged me the ribs implying it was okay. I said i was okay and how was he. I didn't really get a response clearly using up his main English vocabulary. As he passed through the room and his back was turned to me i saw the bulge at the back of his shorts, the handle of a pistol visible through his baggy white t shirt. I swallowed hard and sat nervously silent, he left as quickly as he came with a fleeting "bye Joe" as he left. This was my first experience With Juniors step cousin. The next was just if not more awkward as he had come to the house only to argue with his father as we sat in front of the TV. I could see the vulnerable sweet little girl feared her step brother. She was nearly sixteen but still had the innocence and looks of a girl much younger i squeezed her hand reassuringly not knowing what else to do.

Junior and his cousin had been the main ones to share there experiences of gang life and growing up surrounded by violence as children. Occasionally i get texts waning of "riots" or "gang wars" and what areas to stay out of. Although they are are rare it would seem my first week had landed me in a minor war zone that resolved itself quickly. I still feared for my vulnerable friends if anything more than myself. I knew I could handle myself more than some of them. Knowing there was gang rapists here made me feel sick but incredibly protective over my friends here knowing they were so vulnerable. Although the thought came while sitting on the stoop, they had dealt with it a lot longer than me. This thought sobered my anger and extinguished my protectiveness slightly. Still i worry for them, but then i have always been a worrier.

These dangers and concerns aside, the last few days I have been shown the warmth and hospitality that reminded me why i loved this place so much. It encouraged me to give back now as they had already given me too much without even realizing.