Its been a sad couple of days for the country im now calling home.
The TV screens that fill department stores and homes over the 4000 inhabited islands have been flashing with the images of family's torn apart by flowing waters. Red bleary eyes pleading to be reunited with there lost children. Texts filled my Inbox from friends saying that the dump site had flooded 100's of friends and family have lost there homes. They are living in the school and have no food with only the clothes they are standing in. The reality of the news struck home 95 dead thankfully none of the people who had already touched my life but still a waste of human life in country already struggling with hope for the future. I felt useless on a an island who although had suffered from the typhoon no where near to the extent of that in manila. Today i organized to split some money to send to Payatas mostly for food but also for any other relief it could give the total was 10000 pesos which just short of 100 pounds which doesn't sound a lot but in these terms it is and hopefully it brings some kind of relief.
My experience during this typhoon was scary enough. Residing in Negros we were only at the tail of the tornado and what started as just a storm slowly came the reality of what was really happening. The rain fell heavy for most of the day the wind howling it had blown over sugar cane trucks which gave the impression this was not just a part of the "rainy season." The power went out at eleven we stayed in the house a day of peering out the window watching the rain hit glass with nothing else to do i filled the house with the sound of my guitar. We made the decision that daccutan were probably having a bit of a rough time being so close to the sea so went down to the spend the night and give support. The power was still out when we left at 8:30 pm we piled into the back of the cab as i sat with my legs dangling out the back we drove the dark streets. We passed house after house and store after store filled only with the orange glow of candle light for two towns the power was out. We got down to daccutan and it was practically pitch black the rain had eased off we wondered the village looking for friends with nothing but the dim lights on our phones. We got to the small bamboo nipa hut that was kind of a headquarters for the youth. We set a single candle in there and gathered bed clothes as there was still no power we decided it would be cooler to sleep in the hut. instead of the safe concrete youth center which usually powered electric fans. We lay on lumpy mattresses joking for hours as the wind started to whip the trees out side until it began to build into a really strong force it blew out our candle and we sat in the dark nervous giggles circulated. Deciding to see this as the time to sleep i set my head down too hot to sleep and slowly being bitten to death.
I woke up to rain lashing my face hard a terrifying sound of wind smashing against tree's. I looked around at the worried face all with sleepy eyes. They slowly began to rest there head back down moving around to be out of the line of fire and covered there faces with the sheets they were balled in the sound haunted me and i struggled to get back to sleep and from the distinct lack of snoring as to before i could tell it was haunting them too.
Everyone was up early the rain still fell hard butt he power was back now and so came the harsh reality of the disasters to strike manila. We all thought our selves lucky to only of had a bad nights sleep and nothing more we all went on hesitantly with the days plans waiting to hear back from friends in manila to be reassured of there safety and situation.
a bad couple of days for the place im now calling home and truly a test to my will of wanting to help people even in the most devastating conditions. These last couple of days although incredibly hard to swallow have only made my will stronger tenfold.
Monday 28 September 2009
Friday 25 September 2009
doctoro...
I spoke on the phone the other day with close friend of mine from manila. I knew she had not been well for weeks but s ever was too proud to say or go into more money. I told her to go to the doctors not thinking, she replied that she couldn't she did not have the money; it was the equivalent of 10pounds for a check up and most of the medicine she needed. She said she would just leave it and let it down to prayer, this worried me more than anything. Although i respected her faith and knew a lot of the time faith was all she had and the only thing to keep her positive. I knew that faith wouldn't be enough and she was getting seriously ill. So i sent the 1000 pesos and told her to go to the courier and pick it up, i wouldn't take no for an answer. Although sheepish she did and went for her check up. it was later in the evening that i had a phone call full of thankyou's and an explanation it was quite a nasty stomach ulcer. Which i knew would only of got worse if she left it. We spoke abut how it was probably from stress. She has a big heart and takes every opportunity to support her family as well as the whole community with little money but an amazing spirit. It was as we were nearing the end of our conversation i heard shouting in the background and her responding. She explained it was her parents asking her for money, she said she had none they responded "yes you do but you just wasted it at the doctors". I felt my stomach sink her parents were thinking bout the money over there daughters health and although i could understand the needs of poverty, this was truly heart wrenching. She burst into tears and continuesly apologized for crying i told her that "i would be worried if you weren't crying your only human the smile has to fade sometimes." I felt completely in over my head but at the same time completely in control. As i spoke her through how she gives so much back but sometimes needs to think of herself. I reminded her of all the peoples lives she had touched and enriched.
The thank you i had in a reply was the most honest thank you i have ever heard to this day.
The thank you i had in a reply was the most honest thank you i have ever heard to this day.
Thursday 24 September 2009
this week..
its been an eventful week to say the least last wednesday we had another early start being up t five in the morning stumbling beneath a cold shower and into clothes. The sun was barely up so i sat in the car and waited to head to pick up the boys we got to Daccutan. i didn't have the energy to get out the car so i sat and waited and junior ran in as had become the regular of this early mornings him dealing with them better than me i sat and waited watching the village wake up children the the trip to the water pump and furiously fill up buckets. cockerels called out the morning as i sat waiting eventually junior reappeared but not with the boys with Tita Indang i knew what was coming she appeared at the window i said it before she could "eat?" she smiled and opened the door ushering me out in a stern motherly way but with a smile i didn't know how well i would stomach fish and rice so early in the morning but knew i couldn't refuse i came into there house which is too bizarre to describe a collaboration of breeze blocks bamboo and handless statues of jesus. Still with enough homely touches to make it inviting a distinct lack of light bulbs made everywhere dark i was welcomed by the boys a group of 5 boys from the village ll from 18 to early 20's we had started to get on really well with them after a lot of knuckle brushing and back patting a plate was pushed into my hands and then filled with noodles egg and rice. For the first time a meal without fish but my belly still struggled to accept food so early and watching the boys plow through a large pile i looked down at my significantly smaller pile and smiled with a sigh. Tito boy appeared at the doorway smiling his toothless grin and said "hello juus" i smiled and saluted he laughed and looked at my plate and how much i was struggle "pusog?" he asked knowingly i smiled and nodded this was one of the words i used the most when in daccutan always loosing the eating contest that was meal time in daccutan it meant full. Tito boy has become a real character in my life along with his wife indang they have one of the lowest incomes in the village boy not being a fisherman but they give the most back they are looked up too and respected by the youth and i was beginning to understand more and more why now. Boy had the ability to keep all the kids laughing for hours as well as us he spoke little English but was hilariously animated but then at the same time if you had misbehaved you knew about it and you wouldn't do it again at least not while boy was around. They were both unlikely role models but incredibly good parents they would sit and drink cheap rum when the kids had gone to bed and tell jokes while boy puffed smoke through his gums they were good people who had nothing and could easily of fallen into the traps of poverty but instead gave back to there community and its future.
After the food was down and the teasing of how little rice the English could eat had stopped we collected the machetes and the large tank of purified water we piled into the cab and head off to joyland for more back breaking hard work. We worked for three hours hacking grass that came above my waist with machete this was my fifth day working with boys and we had got a lot done it was starting to get satisfying to look backwards and see all the work we had done. We took our lunch on the river bank which was a small scramble down from where we were working the jokes flew and filled the air with laughter i sat and watched all the locals come down to wash their clothes in the river perched on rocks in the middle of the flowing water while children ran down and bathed. We did another hours work before giving up to the mid-day sun hot and exhausted we piled back into the cab smiling at a hard days work. we dropped the boys off and headed home for a well needed shower and rest junior smiles at my looks of sheer exhaustion and pipes out his soon to be catch phrase "tomorrow is another day"
tomorrow was another day and what junior aptly left out it was a day off although not really we had a lie in and were up by ten (yes that is now what is considered a day off) we were to go back to daccutan for a meeting on a new idea we had. We sat in the little nipa hut next to the youth centre and waited as the youth gradually arrived plying on battered guitars while the boys talked in ilongo and tugalog there wild laughter crried across and gave me a smile they could see my eager eyes willing to be a part of the jokes and struggled but translated the best they could really wanting me to be a part of there jokes and i made my own and we all laughed even when the meeting had started the laughing didn't die down and everything was finally comfortable after the weeks of trying to make a relationship i finally felt accepted and let in the meeting was about making up a rag and bone man type recycling service to make money from cans and bottles etc the boys seemed excited and loved any opportunity to feel like they had some sort of business "if you have a business then you don't work for anyone and they don't treat you badly" this was just another off the cuff insight to there life. When the meeting was fairly wrapped up the boys looked at us and said "do you want to go get shells" they meant shellfish and we walked out the low tide with a bucket and they taught me all the ways to find these mussels and clams and other shelled creatures i had never heard of we were out for a good hour and then wondered back muddy but with a bucket full all sorts of "shells" i went to the water pump and cleaned smiling t the thought of having to take long jeepny ride home muddy and smelling of the sea "now we eat them" said jomel the son of boy and indang and kind of the leader or at least most organized of the boys. i was slightly confused by this but more than willing and as the sun set we boiled a large pot of shellfish and sat eating laughing and drinking cheap beer until it was completely dark. We then said our farewells and crammed into a jeepny with smiles on our faces at a satisfying day.
another early start and body kicked back in disagreement it was still far from adjusted and the sequence followed as it had done before right down to indang appearing at the car window again the work continued and we inched closer to completion. I was tired my body hurting but i was happy and felt accomplished i got home and threw myself under the cold shower and crawled into bed i feel asleep for couple hour awaking to sheepish friends from manila who had flown in this afternoon i jumped up to say hello they apologized for waking me i said it was fine as i flattened down my hair which was screaming bed. i hugged them exclaiming what a nice surprise it was i wandered into the lounge to worried looks it was a busy weekend and there wasn't enough space for everyone to sleep Emma needed space this weekend for personal reasons so we all decided to move to daccutan for the weekend this plan all formed in about half an hour the next thing i knew i was perched in the back of the cab holding bag of clothes a lumpy red mattress and a small electric fan.
we arrived in daccutan my home for the next 4 days and were welcomed by the boys and jinky, jinky being the lone female member of Siga who was relieved to see our two female friends from manila had returned to save her from the male dominated youth we sat perched next to the river talking late into the night once there was room swapping finally giving up the proper beds to the girls to do the gentlemanly thing also realized i had given up the room with a light bulb i set my mattress on the floor plugged in the fan and set off for sleep.
the next morning i realized the village woke up early and was awoken by all the sounds of the scene i had sat and watched a few days previous dogs howled and cockerels called there calls and i felt like ringing there necks knowing the skills the boys liked to teach me there was probably chance i would at some point.
i was welcomed by an instant coffee in a glass and smiles from sleepy looking faces i was glad i wasn't the only one. we spent the morning sitting at Lolas shop Lola a woman in her late 70's who kept forcing exotic fruit into my hand and when i tried to give her the money she refused and said it was a gift i was touched and sat on the bamboo stool at the store and watched the tide come crashing in and all the kids diving in.
the afternoon drew in and after lunch we made our way to baccolod 10 of us crammed ourselves in for two jeepny rides and we were going to the cinema. They all seemed really excited at the prospect and it was a treat i was more than willing to give at 50 pence a ticket.
it was dark by the time we got back and the food was waiting we ate and then felt really tired and went to bed soon after.
Sunday was a day with the sagip which meant lots of games and laughter the kids had started to take to me now and i could hardly walk through the multi purpose without being rushed by kids shouting "kuya juus" and clinging to every limb possible it was a day of mayhem and laughter games like picking m n ms out of a bowl of flour and batting a duck feather across the floor it was organized by us and the siga we had as much fun as the kids watching them slap the floor trying to chase a feather. when the games finished and the kids wandered t there houses i didn't think it was possible but we finally seemed to wear them out we all went to the local market to get dinner
this was in walking distance and we walked in my senses were attacked from all angles i saw meat hanging from hooks out in the open air the sound of shouts like any market pushing there produce over anyone elses i could smell all the different fish laid out on ice so close to the gutted pigs . it was bizzare but i wandered with a stupid smile on my face we left with eggplant eggs rice and fish and i was then told jomel was going to teach me to cook i said i could cook and they all laughed and said "not like this".
they were right i was cooking on a small coal burner following Jomels instructions closely and suffered from the smoke that would flood my eyes and the burning at the end of my fingers as i peeled roasted eggplant they were right i had never cooked like that but it was an experience i will take to the grave. It was late by the time we got to watching a film but as we put it on the room slowly filled with more and more people until the air became thick with everyone else breath it was a bizzare experience we sat in room full of people with a fillipino horror blaring loudly from a 12 inch screen it was sheer entertainment in its finest form the reactions from the nearing 25 fellow spectators made everything worth it. we stayed up and talked in a circle late until the bed became a better prospect.
i was nearing my last night in the village and i spent the day sitting at Lola's shop eating strange fruits and plying stranger games with the kids it was the perfect end to the weekend
and although it had been hard and has now taken me nearly three days to recover i wouldn't of had anywhere near as good a time staying at the house and i revelled in the feeling of being an equal and not the white guy who had money it was a good feeling even if it meant uncomfortable sleeps being bitten to death with emotional turmoil a given but i left the weekend with a huge smile having learnt alot and been fully allowed into a life style and lapped it up i just realized how long this was and that was leaving out quite a few details but i felt like it had to be written down and a mere 5 days out of the 365 to come
After the food was down and the teasing of how little rice the English could eat had stopped we collected the machetes and the large tank of purified water we piled into the cab and head off to joyland for more back breaking hard work. We worked for three hours hacking grass that came above my waist with machete this was my fifth day working with boys and we had got a lot done it was starting to get satisfying to look backwards and see all the work we had done. We took our lunch on the river bank which was a small scramble down from where we were working the jokes flew and filled the air with laughter i sat and watched all the locals come down to wash their clothes in the river perched on rocks in the middle of the flowing water while children ran down and bathed. We did another hours work before giving up to the mid-day sun hot and exhausted we piled back into the cab smiling at a hard days work. we dropped the boys off and headed home for a well needed shower and rest junior smiles at my looks of sheer exhaustion and pipes out his soon to be catch phrase "tomorrow is another day"
tomorrow was another day and what junior aptly left out it was a day off although not really we had a lie in and were up by ten (yes that is now what is considered a day off) we were to go back to daccutan for a meeting on a new idea we had. We sat in the little nipa hut next to the youth centre and waited as the youth gradually arrived plying on battered guitars while the boys talked in ilongo and tugalog there wild laughter crried across and gave me a smile they could see my eager eyes willing to be a part of the jokes and struggled but translated the best they could really wanting me to be a part of there jokes and i made my own and we all laughed even when the meeting had started the laughing didn't die down and everything was finally comfortable after the weeks of trying to make a relationship i finally felt accepted and let in the meeting was about making up a rag and bone man type recycling service to make money from cans and bottles etc the boys seemed excited and loved any opportunity to feel like they had some sort of business "if you have a business then you don't work for anyone and they don't treat you badly" this was just another off the cuff insight to there life. When the meeting was fairly wrapped up the boys looked at us and said "do you want to go get shells" they meant shellfish and we walked out the low tide with a bucket and they taught me all the ways to find these mussels and clams and other shelled creatures i had never heard of we were out for a good hour and then wondered back muddy but with a bucket full all sorts of "shells" i went to the water pump and cleaned smiling t the thought of having to take long jeepny ride home muddy and smelling of the sea "now we eat them" said jomel the son of boy and indang and kind of the leader or at least most organized of the boys. i was slightly confused by this but more than willing and as the sun set we boiled a large pot of shellfish and sat eating laughing and drinking cheap beer until it was completely dark. We then said our farewells and crammed into a jeepny with smiles on our faces at a satisfying day.
another early start and body kicked back in disagreement it was still far from adjusted and the sequence followed as it had done before right down to indang appearing at the car window again the work continued and we inched closer to completion. I was tired my body hurting but i was happy and felt accomplished i got home and threw myself under the cold shower and crawled into bed i feel asleep for couple hour awaking to sheepish friends from manila who had flown in this afternoon i jumped up to say hello they apologized for waking me i said it was fine as i flattened down my hair which was screaming bed. i hugged them exclaiming what a nice surprise it was i wandered into the lounge to worried looks it was a busy weekend and there wasn't enough space for everyone to sleep Emma needed space this weekend for personal reasons so we all decided to move to daccutan for the weekend this plan all formed in about half an hour the next thing i knew i was perched in the back of the cab holding bag of clothes a lumpy red mattress and a small electric fan.
we arrived in daccutan my home for the next 4 days and were welcomed by the boys and jinky, jinky being the lone female member of Siga who was relieved to see our two female friends from manila had returned to save her from the male dominated youth we sat perched next to the river talking late into the night once there was room swapping finally giving up the proper beds to the girls to do the gentlemanly thing also realized i had given up the room with a light bulb i set my mattress on the floor plugged in the fan and set off for sleep.
the next morning i realized the village woke up early and was awoken by all the sounds of the scene i had sat and watched a few days previous dogs howled and cockerels called there calls and i felt like ringing there necks knowing the skills the boys liked to teach me there was probably chance i would at some point.
i was welcomed by an instant coffee in a glass and smiles from sleepy looking faces i was glad i wasn't the only one. we spent the morning sitting at Lolas shop Lola a woman in her late 70's who kept forcing exotic fruit into my hand and when i tried to give her the money she refused and said it was a gift i was touched and sat on the bamboo stool at the store and watched the tide come crashing in and all the kids diving in.
the afternoon drew in and after lunch we made our way to baccolod 10 of us crammed ourselves in for two jeepny rides and we were going to the cinema. They all seemed really excited at the prospect and it was a treat i was more than willing to give at 50 pence a ticket.
it was dark by the time we got back and the food was waiting we ate and then felt really tired and went to bed soon after.
Sunday was a day with the sagip which meant lots of games and laughter the kids had started to take to me now and i could hardly walk through the multi purpose without being rushed by kids shouting "kuya juus" and clinging to every limb possible it was a day of mayhem and laughter games like picking m n ms out of a bowl of flour and batting a duck feather across the floor it was organized by us and the siga we had as much fun as the kids watching them slap the floor trying to chase a feather. when the games finished and the kids wandered t there houses i didn't think it was possible but we finally seemed to wear them out we all went to the local market to get dinner
this was in walking distance and we walked in my senses were attacked from all angles i saw meat hanging from hooks out in the open air the sound of shouts like any market pushing there produce over anyone elses i could smell all the different fish laid out on ice so close to the gutted pigs . it was bizzare but i wandered with a stupid smile on my face we left with eggplant eggs rice and fish and i was then told jomel was going to teach me to cook i said i could cook and they all laughed and said "not like this".
they were right i was cooking on a small coal burner following Jomels instructions closely and suffered from the smoke that would flood my eyes and the burning at the end of my fingers as i peeled roasted eggplant they were right i had never cooked like that but it was an experience i will take to the grave. It was late by the time we got to watching a film but as we put it on the room slowly filled with more and more people until the air became thick with everyone else breath it was a bizzare experience we sat in room full of people with a fillipino horror blaring loudly from a 12 inch screen it was sheer entertainment in its finest form the reactions from the nearing 25 fellow spectators made everything worth it. we stayed up and talked in a circle late until the bed became a better prospect.
i was nearing my last night in the village and i spent the day sitting at Lola's shop eating strange fruits and plying stranger games with the kids it was the perfect end to the weekend
and although it had been hard and has now taken me nearly three days to recover i wouldn't of had anywhere near as good a time staying at the house and i revelled in the feeling of being an equal and not the white guy who had money it was a good feeling even if it meant uncomfortable sleeps being bitten to death with emotional turmoil a given but i left the weekend with a huge smile having learnt alot and been fully allowed into a life style and lapped it up i just realized how long this was and that was leaving out quite a few details but i felt like it had to be written down and a mere 5 days out of the 365 to come
Tuesday 15 September 2009
i came here to make a difference i have always felt guilty that although we have never been rich back home we have still had a lot more money and opportunities than parts of the world that are so easily overlooked i felt guilty because there have been times when i have taken those opportunities for granted and wasted them when so many other people never even had a chance at them. i came here to give hope and give back all that i wasted not to take anything for granted but give new opportunities to people who have never seen them. the sad thing is for some of the youth here that could be as little as swimming in a swimming pool or going to the cinema. so i came not only to build houses and work on projects to improve where people live. but i came to be a part of the way they live and give to that how ever i can. to inspire them the way they inspired me. its funny how if you think about it so many people undeserving get everything but for the people with the most spirit and the most soul have to live there life with nothing when we throw it away so easily if everyone gave back just a little of what they had im not saying to completely throw yourself into poverty to make a difference in someones life. Sometimes just being there and understanding someone that isn't your self makes a big difference. Dont be afraid to share a smile with strangers it could be the one thing they needed to pick back up there day even if it doesn't affect your own life be happy in the fact you could of improved someone else's
i have been putting off updating this at fear of having to sit down and think
but today has been one of those days i have hit a wall
i have been working with the youth in daccutan the little ones on a Saturday the older ones on a sunday we have begun to build up a relationship even through the langauge barrier
and been working at joyland the Australian filipino run orphanage doing ground clearence landscaping stuff
which has been both a good chance for hard work that will make a diffrence and some well needed male bonding within a small portion of the youth in the village
i forget that by this point i have said goodbye to home and felt at my lowest but started to be picked back up by perseverance and willingness to just plow straight through and not stop to think
alas today i hit the wall as i said the work at joyland had to be canceled
our means of transport was broken which left me to sit at home feeling pretty hopeless and in need
of doing somthing
instead i began to think and reflect in hindsight it was unhealthy not to reflect until now
but it seemed to difficult to deal with the concept of saying goodbye to parents still having the guilt of leaving a loved one and dealing working with a village who practically had no youth left due to drugs and crime
the few we do have have been very inspiring and it has felt good to help them have a direction again
but frustrating in the knowledge that when we were here before there were three times the amount here willing to help and inspire as there are now
it also begs my moral conscience to want to help shape the younger kids not to fall into the life of there brothers and sisters but how does an eighteen year old even begin to think about somthing like that
with faith
faith in that not every human should be willing to throw themselves in the gutter and that it is human nature to want what is best for ones self in your life
but sometimes that gets completely deluded
a lot of the time people think they are doing whats best because they are getting money
in the case of england it leaves them with no soul or personality
here it leaves them in jail
in england drugs are what people do to be cool and escape to fit in for whatever reason the subculture demands to feel free and different but in so many many ways exactly the same only with your worst attributes heightened
here in the Philippines drugs alcohol and crime are an escape they give a sense of belonging and money that they have never had before a way of escaping all the bad parts and becoming who ever they want to be in there life. but it seems this is nothing but deluded dreams another off cut of American culture that has led the Filipinos astray in reality it leads to rape and loneliness jail and torn family's
i will use the example of a girl i used to know from daccutan i met her two years ago when i first came and she was a sweet girl not too bright not through nay fault of her own forgotten by the system not registered at birth so as far as the world was concerned not even a real person no birth certificate no school but still always a smile i was told a couple weeks ago that she had met someone and had moved out of the village i was pleased a summing that she had managed to find a new life a better life but the bitter reality of it was she had fallen to the charms of a older man who was using her to peddle drugs and do anything he wishes she is now serving 25 years in prison at the age of 15 with a charge of possession and accomplice to the murder of a police man.
if you would of have met this girl you would of thought there was no way but this is the harsh life of poverty and the same escapes people in england use to look cool. that tears apart the life of a 15 year old girl and her family.
i have been traveling with a good friend from one of manilas known slums he has lived in poverty his whole life and for what i saw and stayed with the conditions of his living were enough for me to think it was no way to live but when he told me his story i was lost for words completely
he told me how his father had died when he was 15 of alcohol and smoking was how he put it and that it became even harder to live which to mean was a phenomenal to get my head around it would be hard enough to live in Payatas as it is but without a father and a mother who was grieving with 4 children to feed he told me how he went to find work the temptation of gangs and drugs had always been around him but he didn't fall i not it because he has pride and its a pride that has inspired me so much already and so he went to the jeepny stops and asked the drivers if he could be a conductor in a part of manila which is certainly not for holiday takers the age of 15 he would ride the jeepnys collecting money bare in mind everyone takes the jeepny even the characters you would want to avoid at all costs and its very prone to robbery at gunpoint perticuarly the one holding all the money ie the conductor but he went on doing it to be able to provide for his family in whatever way he can he told me of his hope and his struggle and that now in the knowledge that he has survived 24 years of that struggle he can give the same hope to other people and thats why he was so pleased to be able to come and help me work with the youth and he has led me as well as leading them in a way that will change my life forever.
but today has been one of those days i have hit a wall
i have been working with the youth in daccutan the little ones on a Saturday the older ones on a sunday we have begun to build up a relationship even through the langauge barrier
and been working at joyland the Australian filipino run orphanage doing ground clearence landscaping stuff
which has been both a good chance for hard work that will make a diffrence and some well needed male bonding within a small portion of the youth in the village
i forget that by this point i have said goodbye to home and felt at my lowest but started to be picked back up by perseverance and willingness to just plow straight through and not stop to think
alas today i hit the wall as i said the work at joyland had to be canceled
our means of transport was broken which left me to sit at home feeling pretty hopeless and in need
of doing somthing
instead i began to think and reflect in hindsight it was unhealthy not to reflect until now
but it seemed to difficult to deal with the concept of saying goodbye to parents still having the guilt of leaving a loved one and dealing working with a village who practically had no youth left due to drugs and crime
the few we do have have been very inspiring and it has felt good to help them have a direction again
but frustrating in the knowledge that when we were here before there were three times the amount here willing to help and inspire as there are now
it also begs my moral conscience to want to help shape the younger kids not to fall into the life of there brothers and sisters but how does an eighteen year old even begin to think about somthing like that
with faith
faith in that not every human should be willing to throw themselves in the gutter and that it is human nature to want what is best for ones self in your life
but sometimes that gets completely deluded
a lot of the time people think they are doing whats best because they are getting money
in the case of england it leaves them with no soul or personality
here it leaves them in jail
in england drugs are what people do to be cool and escape to fit in for whatever reason the subculture demands to feel free and different but in so many many ways exactly the same only with your worst attributes heightened
here in the Philippines drugs alcohol and crime are an escape they give a sense of belonging and money that they have never had before a way of escaping all the bad parts and becoming who ever they want to be in there life. but it seems this is nothing but deluded dreams another off cut of American culture that has led the Filipinos astray in reality it leads to rape and loneliness jail and torn family's
i will use the example of a girl i used to know from daccutan i met her two years ago when i first came and she was a sweet girl not too bright not through nay fault of her own forgotten by the system not registered at birth so as far as the world was concerned not even a real person no birth certificate no school but still always a smile i was told a couple weeks ago that she had met someone and had moved out of the village i was pleased a summing that she had managed to find a new life a better life but the bitter reality of it was she had fallen to the charms of a older man who was using her to peddle drugs and do anything he wishes she is now serving 25 years in prison at the age of 15 with a charge of possession and accomplice to the murder of a police man.
if you would of have met this girl you would of thought there was no way but this is the harsh life of poverty and the same escapes people in england use to look cool. that tears apart the life of a 15 year old girl and her family.
i have been traveling with a good friend from one of manilas known slums he has lived in poverty his whole life and for what i saw and stayed with the conditions of his living were enough for me to think it was no way to live but when he told me his story i was lost for words completely
he told me how his father had died when he was 15 of alcohol and smoking was how he put it and that it became even harder to live which to mean was a phenomenal to get my head around it would be hard enough to live in Payatas as it is but without a father and a mother who was grieving with 4 children to feed he told me how he went to find work the temptation of gangs and drugs had always been around him but he didn't fall i not it because he has pride and its a pride that has inspired me so much already and so he went to the jeepny stops and asked the drivers if he could be a conductor in a part of manila which is certainly not for holiday takers the age of 15 he would ride the jeepnys collecting money bare in mind everyone takes the jeepny even the characters you would want to avoid at all costs and its very prone to robbery at gunpoint perticuarly the one holding all the money ie the conductor but he went on doing it to be able to provide for his family in whatever way he can he told me of his hope and his struggle and that now in the knowledge that he has survived 24 years of that struggle he can give the same hope to other people and thats why he was so pleased to be able to come and help me work with the youth and he has led me as well as leading them in a way that will change my life forever.
Wednesday 2 September 2009
man ive got some caatching up too do
so here it goes we traveled back from dumagety after all the diving and swimming and lazing around being a bum
my first chance of holiday before the big fat adventure of a year ahead
and what had felt like a ridiculously long journey it was nothing compared to the way back
rain forced us off the beaten track and then more rain forced off the off beaten track and onto even more off beaten track
catch my dirft
basically all i can say for the first three hours of that journey
is thank god for four wheel drive
i bounced more times than a determined fat kid on a trampoline trying to get to the top shelf cookie jar
so yeah 9 hours travelling through villages set into the mountains full of kids playing and small sari sari stores out into the road with stalls selling everything from old shoes to dried fish
the kids would stop and watch the cars go passed amazed by a white face and as i looked back into the wing mirror i could see there frantic waves and excitement
9 hours led us too a town where we could stop for food only an hour and a half away from baccolod the place i am now calling home.
we ate then set off all holding our butt cheeks trying to prepare them for yet more sitting down
we set off and it was dark by now and the Philippines really comes to life at night there was people spilling onto the streets wandering through the roadside stalls and shops. dogs darted around and one darted towards the car growling wildly and our driver just ploughed straight through it which left me open mouthed and my pants slightly soiled he looked round and me aand laughed seeing how shaken i was bee this and simply said "its okay he was like gnarrrrr" at this point he made hand movements and pretended to be a rabid dog i smiled and said okay my heart still beating fast and not being able to look at the driver in the same way for the next hour and a half
finally we made it back to baccolod and set into hour hotel rested for the week ahead and what a week it will be
my first chance of holiday before the big fat adventure of a year ahead
and what had felt like a ridiculously long journey it was nothing compared to the way back
rain forced us off the beaten track and then more rain forced off the off beaten track and onto even more off beaten track
catch my dirft
basically all i can say for the first three hours of that journey
is thank god for four wheel drive
i bounced more times than a determined fat kid on a trampoline trying to get to the top shelf cookie jar
so yeah 9 hours travelling through villages set into the mountains full of kids playing and small sari sari stores out into the road with stalls selling everything from old shoes to dried fish
the kids would stop and watch the cars go passed amazed by a white face and as i looked back into the wing mirror i could see there frantic waves and excitement
9 hours led us too a town where we could stop for food only an hour and a half away from baccolod the place i am now calling home.
we ate then set off all holding our butt cheeks trying to prepare them for yet more sitting down
we set off and it was dark by now and the Philippines really comes to life at night there was people spilling onto the streets wandering through the roadside stalls and shops. dogs darted around and one darted towards the car growling wildly and our driver just ploughed straight through it which left me open mouthed and my pants slightly soiled he looked round and me aand laughed seeing how shaken i was bee this and simply said "its okay he was like gnarrrrr" at this point he made hand movements and pretended to be a rabid dog i smiled and said okay my heart still beating fast and not being able to look at the driver in the same way for the next hour and a half
finally we made it back to baccolod and set into hour hotel rested for the week ahead and what a week it will be
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